DEAR DIARY" my first kiss"

Dear diary,

wheew where do I start, Well today im feeling much better than I did yesterday. Yesterday was a challenge for me.. I took big steps towards making me a better me spirtualy. I know that I didint say much in my last diary entry so i figure I make some what of a continuation of lastnites blog. I'll start back at my appointment with my phychologist. One of the other main topics we talked about again a subject on my chilhood.. It's the biggest part of my past that I am working on understanding and getting help with. When I Ran away from home after that situation where I was beaten . I went to stay at a friends house about 30 miles away from where my home was located.. at her place" she was also the same age as myself at the time" and a ts in transition" we bonded so quick and immediately became best of friends.. I rememeber I actually had my first kiss in her brothers bedroom..haha im totally grining rite now.. because it wa so awkward .And like many of you I'm sure you never forget ur first kiss..I am now a year older and it has been about 2 months since arriving at her front door. And her brother was totaly trying to get me to talk to his friend.. I, being so young and clueless was like " ok sure" haha so random I know.. anyway this was when pagers was the new tech toy and so I told my new best friends brother to give his friend my pager number.. I was quite the Exhibitionest "wink".. so he did and later that nite he paged me and OMG I was in total aww for him from tht very first page ..lol.. I was already telling other friends tht he was my BF then I would get a page and be like " see thts him hes saying hi" omg he loves me..lol I was so off and green back then. Ok, so after a few days of exchaging pages we discussed meeting up and when he said " hey lets meet up " it hit me...I ran to my bestfriend and woke her up and whisperd.." gurl does he know my T" and as I should have guessed she replies" mary he dosent know" . why"? If I didint want to poke her eyes out rite there and then .. but I knew she had to mk breakfast for us so I let her keep her vision.. I was soo nervous..I didint want to tell him no because well he loved me..lol.. from what my raging hormones seem to hv made me think..= ) so I jus said u know what im gonna just do it and when he comes here and he realizes that I am TS and leaves then ill jus let it be wht it is.. know what i mean.. so this is the funny part. I have such a big grin on my face rite now in anticipation of typing wht happend next..Ok so my dizzy bestfriend deciddes to give me a make over.. now at this young age you can probly guess how it's gonna turn out.So this crazy tranny grabs her mothers makeup which is at least 2 shades lighter than my complextion at the time and spackles it unto my face..then she grabes this black thick old school black eyelineer and decides to color in my eyebrows.. now keep in mind i hvnt yet been introduced to a tweezer so I was full rockin butch eyebrows on top of having eyebrows like Elmo she decides to darken them with black eyeliner.. so now i look like if elmo and uncle fester had a baby i was tht baby..lol..then this beauty expert decides to convince me to wear these ziplock bags filled with smucks peanut butter and jelly as breast..lol..wait it gets worse.. after walking around me a few times and carefully making sure the exact amount of P&J are in each home made breast..this gooney has another bright idea...so picture me there in the room full white grayesh make up with the thickest and darkest eyebrows known to exhist with P&j filled bra..she comes running to me and says put this on.. so im like ohh whats this.. she handed me a small case. I open one part of this little case and it was a blue contact lense.. so now im thinking this is gonna get better.. I open the other side and lol.. theres nothing..and shes says.. ohh yea theres only one, put it on. So now diary ..I have a gray corpse colored face peanutbuter and jelly titts .. thick ass dark black eyebrows and 1 blue eye..hahahaha..sad to admit I kept tht look and got ready for his arrival.. few hours later he comes to the house, im so nervous.. im acting as if I dont hear him come into the house.. he was the same age as me at the time.. so im in the kitchen with my back faced towards him acting like im washing dishes .. I hear him whisper to my friends brother.. wow she looks good..so he takes this guy into his room and comes back to me and says.. hes in the room he wants to meet u..ohh lord..ok so I take a deep breathe.. give my best friend the finger and walk into the room... now I dont know if it was his hormones running like crazy or if he was partial blind.. but he tells me as soon as I walk in..Wow ur so pretty..I sit next to him .. we get to talking and then wheew I know its coming.. im shaking and am staring at him directly into his eyes and then jus like a hollywood movie.. he grabs my bottom jaw leans in and gives me a kiss.. a soft gentle kiss on the lips.ahhhhh it was like magic..i rememeber having my eyes closed and this sensation simliar to when u get goose bumps totally took over my body..i was floating almost in a sense and it was purely amazing. after my memorable first amazing kiss we just sat there and talked and talked.. moving in to join lips every so often then back to talking..we later said our good byes and promised to keep paging each other as we of course continued to do.. and after a few weeks he moved away and till today I have yet to see him...aww I will never forget that nite.. = ) and that Diary was my very first kisss....


xoxo ErikaX